we have officially lost it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
