Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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