Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
