remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
