dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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