Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The power of my boobs compel you
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
