Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
