Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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