I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
