People with herpes should wear stickers.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
