the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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