Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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