Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
