I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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