That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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