I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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