you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
