So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
