one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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