I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize