tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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