Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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