my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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