I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
vagina is talking i cant
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
