Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
