So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
