Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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