remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize