I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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