I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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