two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
