In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
