I got chris browned last night
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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