Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
