Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
