I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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