it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
