So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
