i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize