So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize