If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
