dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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