The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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