At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
