If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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