You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
