Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
