perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
