Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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