You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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