He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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