Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
