i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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