Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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