you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
