Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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