its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
