She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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