Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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