what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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