I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Let's get the cat blown out
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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