OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
