i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
