Your mouth is God's brothel.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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