the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Randomize
