That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
