I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
