Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
well you can't waste a boner
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
