i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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