come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
