Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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