So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
