is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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