Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When did angry sex become our thing?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
