It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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