Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
