tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
pop tarts are not kleenex
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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