Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
