Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
