What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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