i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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