nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
