Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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