Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
