If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
