I look better un-naked...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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