I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize