Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
