Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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