elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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