The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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