Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize