Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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