Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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