Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
