i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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