I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize